When I was young I dreamed of a fairy tale wedding, of marrying the man of my dreams.
My knight in shining armour come to sweep me off my feet and love me forever.
Someone who would love me to the ends of the earth.
Someone who would treat meet preciously.
Someone who would look into the depths of my soul and love what he saw.
Someone who would bring light into my life and someone whom I could shine light for.
Someone who would make my tummy hurt with the laugher we would share.
Someone who I could share all the moments of my life with.
Someone who I could go on the most amazing adventures with.
Someone whose hand I could hold and whom I could grow old with.
Then life happened.
I learned about all sorts of rules that society lives by and slowly began to make their rules my own.
I got engaged at 21 because I thought it was the “right thing” to do as opposed to having found the man of my dreams.
Boy oh boy did this end in heartache and disappointment.
I met a few other men along the way and in most situations, was deeply disappointed.
Then I started falling into the trap of thinking time was running out – you know the whole biological clock story….
I had allowed my fairy-tale dream to fade more and more and began accepting things that I would never have before.
I was with a man who in comparison to many I had met was a good man.
I began to wonder – perhaps this is as good as it gets.
Maybe this is all the world and life has to offer.
It seemed that most people around me did not have anything better than what I had in their relationships.
I continued to allow my fairy-tale dream to fade and began to settle into the fact that this was it.
This was all I was going to get and I should just be happy with what I have.
I had been on this merry go round for far too long.
The fighting, the break up, the begging and pleading, the feelings of guilt if I didn’t give him another chance.
He asked me to marry him.
I got engaged at 28 putting out a wish to the world that a commitment to this man would heal all wounds and that we could have the life together that I had always dreamed.
His resolve to be the man I felt I deserved lasted a whole 2 months, and then all the drama began again.
My soul said NO MORE.
It was as if someone turned on a light inside of me.
I was no longer caught in his energy, in the entanglement that kept me going back time after time.
I felt calm and peace within my soul.
It felt as if I knew what to do from a heart and soul level for the first time in years.
I knew I had to walk away and not look back.
This was absolutely the best thing for me and for him.
The guilt trips had no more power over me.
I was finally free.
It was like emerging from a dark cloud and knowing that my dream really was possible.
I was not going to settle, I wanted my fairy-tale man and I knew I would find him.
Little did I know that he was already in my life.
As I walked out of the entangled energy and allowed my own gorgeous light to shine I was suddenly able to recognise his light.
In a sudden moment, I saw him in a way I had never seen him before and it stirred up something deep within me.
I wanted to be closer and more deeply connected to this man.
I wanted to grow old with him.
When we learn to shine our own light in the best possible way is when we bring to us those that can hold that vibration.
Those that can match us where we are and who can support us and lift us up when we need help.
Don’t settle for this is as good as it gets.
Follow your heart, know what you deserve, believe it – and watch the magic happen.
Sending love and light